Four-legged friends tie the knot at pet store

As she waited for the first couple to approach the alter, Saturday afternoon may have been the first time Sandra Van Scott was ever more nervous than the bride and groom.

Van Scott, of the The Antique Angel Wedding Chapel in Reno, was on hand Saturday afternoon at PETCO at 5565 S. Virginia St. to perform pet weddings. But she hadn’t quite figured out how she would issue the pronouncement.

“Should I say ‘I now pronounce you canine and ca-wife?’” Van Scott asked. “I’m not sure yet how I’m going to do that.”

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This dog wedding sounds cute, and I'm glad it made the owners happy, but I personally would feel uncomfortable with it.  Why?  Because I take things too seriously, probably.   Here's why I'm not enthusiastic about pet weddings:

1.  They are arranged marriages.  Now, some cultures have systems for arranged marriages that seem to work just fine, so I'm not trying to criticize arranged marriages in general.  But how do you know your pet wants to marry that poodle you adopted from the shelter?  Maybe he's had his eye on that schnauzer down the street for years and just hasn't worked up enough courage to go after her.  Unlike a human, your dog can't really tell you if he's truly in love with that puppy you want to match him with.  You might be chaining him down forever to a loveless marriage and not even know it.

2. As the nursery rhyme says, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a BABY in a BABY CARRIAGE.  I hope those dogs are spayed and neutered, because the world certainly doesn't need more puppies destined to be put to sleep at the pound.

3.  Are you sure your dogs are ready for the commitment and stress that marriage entails?  Have they participated in pre-marital counseling?  Have they considered prenuptial agreements and decided who will get the squeaky toys and who will get the tennis balls?  What about custody of the humans?

4.  The goofy bride and groom costumes. I always feel sorry for dogs and cats who wear costumes.  Some pet owners have told me that their dogs love wearing costumes, but my dog certainly didn't.  I still feel guilty when I recall the look she gave me the one time I tried to put a little jacket on her.  She was thoroughly convinced that I was punishing her for a heinous crime against dogdom and humanity, but she couldn't figure out what it was.  I took it off of her after just five minutes and never tried putting it on her again.

Of course, these are all my personal opinions, and you might be totally enthralled with the idea of joining your two dear little critters in holy or secular matrimony.  In that case, here are some resources you might find useful, or at least amusing:

• At PetWeds.com, the venerable canine Reverend Tyker will perform a wedding ceremony (by proxy) for you and your pets and provide you with a custom marriage certificate, all for the low, low cost of $14.95.
• If you're either particularly sentimental and loving, particularly goofy and quirky,  or particularly sick and twisted, you might want to marry your pet yourself.  If you fall under one or more of these categories, go to MarryYourPet.com.  They offer 3 different wedding packages, and if you order the most expensive one you can "be married online, get an 'I married my pet' t-shirt, and as well as the certificate, you'll receive a hand embroidered, personalized wall plaque to always remind you of your special day."
• Instead of marrying your dog, perhaps you're getting married and want your furry friend to play a role in the wedding, as best man, maid of honor, ring bearer, or flower girl.  AdvantageBridal.com offers wedding outfits and accessories for dogs, allowing them to participate in your wedding in style.

Do you have your own pet wedding stories or suggestions?  Comment here or send me an email at email@kittymowmow.com.

-MJ Schindler, aka Kitty Mowmow